Sergia's Window

You know what will be ironic? Getting promoted after all this work. Then getting a heart attack. But no, banish these thoughts from my mind, Lord. I will be healthy. Tired, and broken. But healthy, nevertheless, for my kids and husband.

Hi Self. This is your personal hell week. We will close out on our tasks this week and be super productive so that the following weeks will be more bearable, more manageable. We are doing this because we keep saying.... if you don't do anything different, nothing will be. And so we don't want to just keep complaining that work is piling up. We need to do something about it. You need to clear out your action items for the day, including reducing your backlog email and the clutter on your laptop desktop. All very demanding asks, especially you need to do this on top of your daily work. You can do this. I will motivate you every step of the way. I love you and I believe in you. ❤️

You are a mom now. To a very beautiful little boy. He is God's gift to you - sacred, wonderful, your Prince of Peace and your Superman, all rolled into one. You were nervous and naive as a new mom. Funny how you were not even able to realize you were having contractions already. But, here you are, a young, loving mom to your bundle of joy. Your son's arrival was not easy. The foundation of your relationship with his dad has not been made strong yet -- but it will, love, God will make it perfect in His time. You had your son prematurely, which gave him reasons to stay in the NICU. You had post-partum depression. It wasn't too grave, we mostly attributed it to having to travel to the NICU twice a day for just a glimpse of your son. But we were not eating, we were not feeling. We were just waiting for the next day to go through all of it again. You surpassed that. With the help of the series House, M.D. and a feeling of connection to Francis M, who was also battling illness at...

Today, I allowed myself to just rest and recover. Last Sunday I noticed mysel having different emotions - irritability, tiredness, frustrations. Turned out, my period is starting and, towards the night, I began feeling my dysmennorhea creep in. Monday was the worst - my tummy ached and my muscles were sore. Both my arms were in limited motion as my left elbow and right shoulder was in pain. I was nauseous and just felt like I wanted to be in bed the whole day. I messaged my leads that I will be on sick leave, and proceeded to sleep the entirety of the morning. I didn't  get up for lunch, even when Darwin was calling me. Instead, I ate a little into the afternoon, just to appease my worried husband. After that, I slept some more until nighttime, when I joined the family for Darwin. Since I slept the whole day, I wasn't able to sleep immediately. Darwin and I watched The Invitation, which I found very nice. Vampires and plot twists, my kinda thing. The following day, I was feelin...

My view in my car, in the parking building. Finding the energy to get out and get to work.

I have conversations with myself - is that normal? I asked Darwin if he does the same. He doesn't. "Isn't it common for intellictual people?" he asked me. But I am arguing, scolding myself. Is that still right? Am I going crazy?

When I say, I will be on sick leave because I "have fever", I actually meant "I can't get my mind to stop thinking of tiredness, of leaving and of death today"